What happens when there’s no noise and you’re alone with nothing to do? Does that ever even happen? Is silence and stillness something that we know anymore? Today, I wrote a story and sent it to my sister, as a video for my Grandma’s funeral. When I finished sending it, I was done. I didn’t want to “accomplish” anything else. There was lots to do, but my soul needed a rest. No dishes, no laundry, no podcasts, no food prep, no social media or books. I needed to sit in the stillness and just be in the moment of missing her and letting my heart feel whatever it needed to feel. Memories, sadness, gratefulness for a childhood filled with stories of my family. Longing to be with them for the funeral, but feeling the tug of my family here at home. Wishing the timing was different and that I’d had a chance to say goodbye to her. My Grandma was the center of the family. She brought us all together. I’m thankful for that. All four of my grandparents have now passed away. My mom and my auntie, too.
If I rush on ahead, and I don’t feel it, and allow grief to surface, then it’ll just get buried and resurface as something like irritation, anxiety, or anger. I just want to wrap my heart in memories and allow myself to be still. There is such comfort knowing my loved ones are in Heaven and that I’ll see them again. I just want to think about that for a while, and be in wonder at the mystery of salvation and resurrection life, and legacy. I wonder what’s it’s like to reunite with loved ones in Heaven. I wonder about the joy and the comfort of being with Jesus like that. Eternal life is a beautiful mystery, when this life on earth is apparently so short. How does this life on earth compare to eternal life?
I want to ponder that for a while without having answers in my head, but just feeling it my soul and my spirit.